What I wish the reporter had asked me during our interview, but didn’t.
BambooHR recently published an article on organizational retention strategies, focused primarily on why companies need to train managers to talk about money. I’ve talked about money my entire career. For more than 2 decades I’ve had conversations as an employee, an HR leader, a manager, a business owner, and as money/self-worth coach for women.
The content of the article is fully driven from my interview – my voice. And, what’s most interesting to me about this is that I was given the opportunity to share on this very topic only after I’ve become, what I call, an HR outsider, no longer an insider.
I left corporate America over 8 years ago. But choosing a path less traveled — one in which I’ve openly questioned not only the corporate systems but the very people in them making the decisions—hasn’t locked me “out”. It has actually given me more access, more opportunity, and more breadth. Why? Because being real is magnetic.
Although it’s an honor to be featured in an article on this important topic, what I’m about to share here is not included in the story. But, it’s become the foundational body of work I’ve created after coaching hundreds of clients and spending countless hours on my own path of self-inquiry and growth in the pursuit of owning my worth.
The surprising truth in all of this is that once I stopped to inquire why I felt lifeless inside, despite having ‘it all’, I realized that I had no idea who I was underneath the roles, relationships, and parts I was playing in order to maintain the status quo.
What did I actually want? What kind of work gave me energy? What was I no longer willing to tolerate? What would I choose if I trusted that I didn’t have to earn my right to want it? That’s the uncomfortable—and liberating—work of becoming more authentic. Being authentic is the path least traveled. Until we give ourselves permission to look in the mirror, get to know who we are now, and actively choose what we desire, we will lead lives of constant frustration, starts and stops, confusion, and blame.
Because when we don’t fully know or trust our worth, we often make choices based on what we think will give us security, approval, belonging, or validation rather than what is actually aligned to us, as individuals.
We stay because the job pays well. We keep proving ourselves because we’re afraid we’re not ready. We accept being underpaid because we’re grateful to have a seat at the table. We wait for someone else to recognize what we already know to be true. We don’t rock the boat in order to keep our relationships “steady”. And eventually, we wonder why we’re exhausted.
I hear a lot of women saying, “The job market is terrible,” or “Budgets are tight,” or “Now isn’t the time to make a move.”
Maybe that’s true. And also, maybe it’s an opportunity to look within.
- Are you relying too much on your corporate title to validate your existence?
- Are you using your career to prove to yourself that you are “good enough,” successful, and that you matter?
- How would you rate your career, your compensation, your trajectory, your leadership, your daily energy on a scale of 1-10?
- Do you feel alive and fulfilled at the end of the day?
- Are you working on problems that matter to you and with people who bring out the best in you?
Or, are you still on the treadmill you stepped onto at 22 because it looked like success, paid well, or made other people proud and you haven’t figured out how to get off?
The workforce is shifting dramatically. AI is changing the employee experience, roles are evolving, and entire career paths are being rewritten. This is not necessarily a reason to panic. Change can be good. It’s also an invitation to become more intentional about the kind of work and life you’re creating.
So instead of asking only, “How do I keep my job?” or “How do I get the next promotion?”, I want you to ask:
What kind of career actually fits the woman I am becoming?
Maybe you need to advocate more strongly for yourself. Maybe you need to negotiate. Maybe you need to find a different organization. Maybe you need to build something of your own.
And sometimes, after you’ve tried all the things, the most self-honoring choice is finding the courage to being willing to walk away.
That’s part of what I shared years ago in my TEDx talk, Have Your Cake & Negotiate Too. Self-advocacy isn’t only about getting someone else to say yes. It’s also knowing what you’re willing to accept—and having the courage to choose yourself when the answer continues to be no.
Although I’ve evolved and my coaching work with clients has deepened over the years, I still stand by what I said as the woman on that stage just starting out in her business. The one thing I’d add to that today is this: You have to be willing to walk away from anything that no longer aligns…if you want live fully alive.
I don’t believe authenticity means blowing up your life or quitting your job tomorrow. I believe it starts much smaller: getting quiet enough to hear yourself again. To notice where you’re forcing something that no longer fits. To recognize what you’re afraid of. To get curious about what you’re craving. To see yourself as you are now, rather than continuing to make decisions based on an old version of yourself or the version others expect from you.
Because your title isn’t your identity. Your salary isn’t your worth. And your career isn’t proof that you matter.
Getting the raise doesn’t mean your workload will change. Retaining your top talent doesn’t guarantee things will go your way as a manager. So, what actually replenishes your life force vs. drains it? Authenticity from the inside out. Not performing at work to feel safe. How you spend your time at work is just one expression of who you are. It should support your ideal life—not be the determining factor if you get to live freely, feel secure, or know your valued.
Is today the day you commit to start the path back home to yourself—to see and know who you are now, not the past version of you?
The BambooHR article was a beautiful reminder that I can leave a system – and change my life – without losing my voice. In fact, my voice became stronger when I stopped trying to fit inside the places that didn’t value what I was often too afraid to say.
And I wonder if there’s a part of you that’s ready to stop fitting, too.
What would change if you trusted yourself enough to choose differently?
To support you in getting started on your journey to seeing and reclaiming your worth, I’ve recorded a powerful meditation to help you create the space to center, ground, and connect to your inner truth. Pausing refuels you!
